Unjading of the Jaded

It feels preemptive in a way but at the same time it isnt. It is just factual and that is how I like things. I like the cut and dry clarity of facts. I like that when something is a fact that even if it is mean I still feel like I can say it because it really is just the truth. Although as my mother always says, I dont have to say everything I think, even if it is true. But I think I want to write about this anyways.

It seems like sometimes it is easy to become jaded. To become worn down. To expect less. To feel like your expectations were unreasonable. And I know this is a two way street. I have been the one to be so much less than ideal when it comes to friendships and relationships. I have been distant and emotionally unavailable, I have put zero effort in and then wondered why the end was continually so evitable. And then I somehow grew up a bit emotionally and perhaps realized that emotions existed. And then I used to think things like if I can find his number how come he cant go to the effort to find mine? I was taught that girls and boys dont think the same. But I always felt like somehow the effort should be two sided. However that just didnt seem to be the case so I let it slide. I would say the reality of it is I just settled. I would find myself being content with so much less than I ever wanted. Mostly because I was tired of feeling alone. I was trying to fill a void that was unfillable. And as time went on I forgot about previous expectations. Until now.

I am not saying I am in the third L word. Or even in like. I am not saying anything like that. I am only trying to get across the fact that I was right to have hopes and dreams and to want to expect something because even though maybe it is rare it happens. The fact is that sometimes boys do open all the doors. And sometimes they actually take the effort to find your number. And sometimes boys arent douches. And I think I had began to forget all of that. I cant help but to feel a sense of excitement over the thought that I have started to meet people like that. It is like I was been a little minnow swimming in the wrong pond all this time. Maybe chivalry isnt dead. And maybe I am wandering onto a road full of raddness. All I know is I seem to be a lot less jaded and that is a step I wondered if I would ever take again. Maybe that emotional growth is happening again. Or perhaps I just am meeting the right sort of people. Or perhaps this is just a heap of random facts that amount to nothing at all. Only time or a magic eight ball will tell.